The Issue Of America s Public Schooling - 2075 Words

As America charts its course into the twenty-first century, we as a people are faced with a new array of challenges unique to this great nation. Should we put a man on Mars, or build colonies on the Moon? Should we attempt to solve world hunger, or instead focus our efforts on finding cures for cancer, AIDS, and cerebral palsy? Should we preemptively murder the entire cast of Jersey Shore before their final season, or let our ordained punishment for abusing the term â€Å"bro† run its natural course and pray for forgiveness? All pressing questions, to be sure, and all worthy of consideration. But as a concerned American citizen and future Supreme Emperor of the World, I feel that there is no more compelling crisis currently facing this nation†¦show more content†¦Alright, now that I’ve thoroughly confused any listeners that may have managed to stick with me up to the Batman metaphor, allow me to put forth a modest proposal of my own that will finally bring a pe aceful resolution to this current crisis. This breathtakingly ingenious idea came to me after watching a report on the drug wars in Mexico, and the thought occurred to me that surely there could be a better use for all that confiscated marijuana. I was correct; and don’t call me Shirley. Operation 420, as I have taken to calling it, will consist of two phases: a launch phase, and a containment phase, with the objectives being a peaceful halting and dismantling of Iran’s nuclear program and the pacification of that region for years to come. The launch phase will begin with the acquisition and manufacturing of a plethora of specialized incendiary bombs. These bombs will consist of a small explosive charge to break open the casing and ignite the contents: weed. Lots of weed. On a predetermined date, most likely during the month of Ramadan, as the primarily Islamic population of Iran will already be fasting and thus predisposed to the onset of the infamous â€Å"munchiesà ¢â‚¬ , a strike force of aircraft will launch from the Persian Gulf and, flying in the shape of Porky the Pig so as to scare away any Iranian interceptors, release their